x2 Step 44 – Journal Step 43 - My will is to know God.

Today: Step 44 - I wish to know my own strength. (MP3)

 

I wish to know my own strength. Step 44

THIS AFFIRMATION YOU MAY FIND VERY ACCEPTABLE because of your immediate need for it in your current circumstances, but the affirmation is far deeper than you may at first realize. You have far more strength than you have claimed, but it cannot be fully realized until its application is directed in a manner that truly regenerates you and brings forth your true abilities.

HOW CAN YOU APPROACH YOUR STRENGTH when you feel weak and helpless, when you feel unworthy, if you are burdened by guilt or confusion or in anger blame others for your own apparent failures? To claim your strength means to release all that holds you back. You do not release your obstacles by claiming they do not exist. You release them because you value something greater. Their obstruction is merely the sign that you must pass through them. Your own strength is then cultivated. You seek your strength, and you use it to find your strength. We wish for you to know your strength and to utilize it on your own behalf.

IN YOUR TWO MEDITATION PRACTICES TODAY, in silence and in stillness, attempt to feel your own strength. Do not let thoughts alone dissuade you, for fears and doubts are only thoughts—vaporous things that cross your mind like clouds. Beyond the clouds of your mind is the great universe of Knowledge. Therefore, do not let the clouds obstruct your view of the stars beyond.

PRACTICE 44: Two 30-minute practice periods.

Picture:  Crew racing on the Potomac River viewed from the Key Bridge between D.C. and Rosslyn.

From the journal Step 43 - My will is to know God.

10:18 a.m. October 1, Sunday – 2000

→    local community

regional community

planetary community

Greater community

Greater Spirituality – empowered life – competition w/o dominance – the last are first and the first are last.

Gore Vidal… "I write to know what I'm thinking. If I didn't write I would not think… I just sensate." – Interview – C-Span

7:11 p.m. At the wall. Confused. I went to Warrenton – as directed –@ BJ's found an Arcturan book – How can I tell an ET negative from an ET supportive? Those that encourage humanity to solve its own problems with its own energies I would take to be positive.

Those messages that would say ET's have the answer – are the negatives.

10:50 p.m. I left the woods at 8 p.m.

It was dark – no moonlight – cars on the drive – phosphorescent blips on the path. I had felt my will. I meditated – smoked my fall cigar – and enjoyed my home – the forest. It is always difficult to leave –

I concluded that humanity had to be humanity’s solution. Perhaps regional intelligence can help that a bit.

Leaving the woods – the question was go to work? Go to store? The thought was "go "home" so I did. David had called. I called him… He wondered why I hadn't called – he didn't get an email today. It made me feel guilty I hadn't called, but that's easy enough to do – I can call more. I shouldn't wait until he has a need.

How do I go forward… How do I keep my pillars balanced?

A Sunday of dealing with the new problems NM study has brought to my life – Greater Spirituality, negative or supportive ETs, keeping pillars balanced as well family relationships.

Reading the Step for today and spending time in contemplation, for the last two weeks I’ve been doing that the first two hours that I’m awake, just with morning coffee, the second paragraph of this Step landed deeply:

YOUR WILL IS TO KNOW GOD.

Do not be afraid of your will.

You are created by God.

God’s will is to know you.

Your will is to know God.

There is no other will. All motivations other than this are born merely of confusion and fear.

To know God gives God power and gives you power as well.

Each sentence is a powerhouse. The last, a comment on power. Power has never been my thing, though I have always wanted the world to be better. Can that be done without power? I’ve felt that the power can be in the ideas, but that hasn’t led to the spread of the good ideas, or has it? Let us continue.

NNC

Note: If you’ve some interest due to this or other Steps, you should go to the beginning blog post. From here you will learn about Steps to Knowledge and can begin it on the day that makes sense; then progress as needed. You can use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in order in the archives - one post per Step.

Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well through the Free School of the New Message.