x2 Step 46 – Journal Step 45 - Alone I can do nothing.

Today: Step 46 - I must be small to be great. (MP3)

Greetings All – 

[This post is late - no blog access in the a.m. My thinking in this regard: Digital technologies are high maintenance friends. Patience is required and sometimes forgiveness. We just can't dump them. So - always have a Plan B, C, D - even up to X. Cheers]

From the journal Step 45 - Alone I can do nothing.

7:35 a.m. October 3, 2000 –

My limitations #1:  15 min.

I'm lazy, indolent, tired, lost, afraid of power, my own – that using it will draw fire/ire and conflict. I'm often sloppy – have not studied as much in the past, therefore haven't planned my financial future. I'm often unfocused – in search of serendipity. I do seem to anger people – women like M.E., Nora Belle, … – they are unhappy with me on a regular basis. I do not have great physical lifting strength, though I am healthy. Age & vision has slowed me down. I do less than I used to. I seek help on things and have bought help – since I've a small family and small group of friends.

I've sought understanding of the world. I've read much – don't know if I understand enough of what I read.

This is a long time. (I was interrupted …) – I love being in the woods, but I could not live there. I need to be part of society and do so in my own way – trying to bring to governments a broader view of how to deal with the competitive nature of physical existence.

Today there is much work. Does it lead anywhere?

10:04 p.m. I punish myself for failing to be as good as I think I should be. –

#2 My limitations. I am one person, only one – and have limited language, limited time, limited upbringing – limited physical skill and attractiveness. My physical strength is low and has never responded to weights, except to hurt my back. I've done what I could – my understanding has been slow, unawares… I'm not powerful among my peers.

My eyesight was limited and has become more so… distracting me from carriages. [carriages?]

On the Step page the observation:

“everything is two or more – everything is, at its root, regional – two locals -   

 

This is not the average comment most students may make, but it is what my world view produces.

NNC

 

Note: If you’ve some interest due to this or other Steps, you should go to the beginning blog post. From here you will learn about Steps to Knowledge and can begin it on the day that makes sense; then progress as needed. You can use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in order in the archives - one post per Step.

Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well through the Free School of the New Message.