x2 Step 262 - How can I judge myself when I do not know who I am?– Journal – Step 261

Today:  Step 262 - How can I judge myself when I do not know who I am? (MP3)

How can I judge myself when I do not know who I am? - Step 262

IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHO YOU ARE, you can only judge what you think you are. Your thoughts about yourself are largely based upon your expectations and disappointments. It is very difficult to observe yourself from within your personal mind, for your personal mind is made up of your personal thoughts, which are not born of Knowledge. To view yourself with Knowledge, you must be in relationship with Knowledge. This will lead you to experience yourself in an entirely new way. This experience must be repeated and expressed over and over again, in many, many situations. Then, you will begin to get a real sense and experience of who you are. This sense and experience will not be born of condemnation and unforgiveness, for only your idea of yourself can be disappointed. Life will disappoint you in this way, for life can only fulfill you according to your true nature and True Self. To realize this means you have realized the value and meaning of life and your inclusion in it. This requires discernment. This requires Wisdom. This requires a step-by-step preparation. This requires patience and tolerance. This requires that you learn to use your experience for good not for ill.

THEREFORE, YOUR CONDEMNATION OF YOURSELF IS UNFOUNDED. It is based merely on assumptions. Remember this upon the hour and consider it in light of all the events this day, which will teach you the meaning of today’s lesson. In your two longer practice periods, once again engage your mind actively in attempting to comprehend the meaning of today’s lesson.

AS YOU PENETRATE YOUR OWN SELF-JUDGMENT, realize it is born of your fear and based upon assumption. If you realize you don’t know who you are and you are completely confused about this, then you will place yourself in a position to become a true student of Knowledge. You will put yourself in a position to learn all things rather than attempting to defend your assumptions. This represents your studenthood. Your function in life now is to be a student of Knowledge. Use your mind purposefully today. Use your mind objectively. Use your mind to realize what you do not know and all that you need to know. Use your mind to appreciate and to utilize the steps that are being given to you now for you to reclaim Knowledge in the world.

PRACTICE 262: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly practice.

From the journal:  Step 261 - I must learn to give with discernment.

Monday, May 7, 2001

12:15 a.m. Mindless TV – Amen & Amen.

Step 261 – "I must learn to give with discernment". Practice #1 – Active – I have not been discerning in my giving. I have been confused. People demand giving – or not. At PDC I gave too much; I gave in the wrong way; it was not believed, appreciated, understood – Was I too ambitious? Community is difficult to form – family is difficult. Cindy is wife – but not family.

To determine involvement – yea or nay – K is to guide. What about all those involvements before K – like the years 0 – 53?

What involvements do I keep? Which do I end?

[list of 33 with a Y or N or – as answer]

→ My deepest inclination RI/RC & neighborhoods, – love of sports, DSB balance

7 a.m.→Boundaries – work at the start – now become barriers – need to broaden, expand. Communities of law and of the heart.

11:20 p.m. "I must learn to give with discernment". The a.m. started rough – with Cindy bummed out – I said we had drifted apart. …

When I came home @ noon I felt action was necessary. I called her and invited her to dinner @ Hotel Strasburg. She accepted… we met – had a good discussion. I asked her to trust me with the kids – I was doing the best I could; that what counts was what we could do together… I defer to her on some things, she to I – so we together, benefit from each other's strength. I said I'd like to hear her talk about our house, our family – our vacation, our weekend…; I said I wanted to say, do, give whatever it took so that she would trust that she's loved no matter what error I might make. It was a good evening. I gave with discernment.

→It was clear that I needed to do something, so I gave.

Relationships have always been a challenge. They are real work. I continued. Let us continue.

NNC

Note: If you’ve some interest due to this or other Steps, you should go to the beginning blog post. From here you will learn about Steps to Knowledge and can begin it on the day that makes sense; then progress as needed. You can use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in order in the archives - one post per Step.

Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well through the Free School of the New Message.