Today: Step 94 - My freedom is to find my purpose. (MP3)
Greetings All –
From the journal Step
93 - I am sent here for a purpose.
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| "I am sent here for a purpose." Step 93 |
Monday, November 20, 2000
7:55 a.m. “I am sent here for a
purpose.” Step 93. I did not imagine that I’d be where I am doing what I am
today. My desire is to have my true purpose emerge in my life and to carry it
out to the best of my ability. I am somewhat isolated – for the world is moving
on in its details, for what it shall be and where it is heading is the greater
mystery.
8 a.m. What am I grieving today?
I’m rerunning many thoughts. The challenge of having Lillie understand the cost
accounting, cost allocation plan, etc. is not something I wish to do – but will
face this a.m. I’m free to pursue RI
– but my energy gets drained quickly – I’m derailed and end up in a funk. S2K
is a useful therapy. I need to allow time to heal. Having realized that this is
grieving is helping…to understand the hurt…but it doesn’t remove it.
– Because of mankind’s local
view, we rarely see the greater damage of earth destruction. We are somewhat
more effective in managing abuse of one another, but not very effective in
managing/limiting abuse of the environment. It feeds back slowly.
8:30 a.m. I am where I am
relative to work because in 1995-96-97 when the attacks began I was too burned
out to defend myself…I was without support at home or work.
I’ve lost and now must rebuild.
7:18 p.m. I have complete faith
in the need to articulate RI for the world. I’m confused and angry now that I
don’t have the resources and that I’m distracted by the debris of the errors
which put me here. I need to work free of that trap – build my pillars, and do
my thing/the work that Knowledge has brought forth in my life.
8:05 p.m. I am hurt and I feel
lost, but I only say the lost part because that is my place in the world and
not my place in spirit. I’ve never felt more confident about my spiritual path
that now with S2K. What I do not understand and may not before this life is
over, is how lives relate in the bigger picture. Being in doing in the present
is a challenge – one I’ve not totally prepared for.
There seems to be so much I need
to do – invest, improve the house, get caught up at work, teach Steve, pacify
Lillie, build RI, organize office, write, publish, email, do a website – just
too much – and not everything is listed.
So – Meditation #2 – In my safe
space I prepare and learn more to prepare.
Step 93 – “You have come here for
a purpose, to remember your True Home while you are in the world.” Is that all?
That
for you, I and any incarnate being, this Step is a true thought: "I am sent here for a purpose," changes quite
a bit of how one must think. One cannot say: “I didn’t ask to be born.”
Children will often think and say that to their parents. Steps counters this implying we were
involved in the choice to come, aware of the contingencies and
downside of outcomes. Without some difficulty in life, our purpose might not be
called forth. We are on this ironic, enigmatic, experimental planet to experience life in the separation. So, any baby we see and have the privilege
to hold, would know in spirit: "I am sent
here for a purpose." Let us continue to work on this mystery that is being shown at this point in our personal journey. May we more fully understand its meaning in time.
NNC
Note: If you’ve some interest due to this or other
Steps, you should go to the beginning blog post. From here you will learn about Steps to Knowledge
and can begin it on the day that makes sense; then progress as needed. You can
use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in
order in the archives - one post per Step.
Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps
once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference
how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide
a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One
may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps
students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as
a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well
through the Free School of the New Message.
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