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| Step 290 - I can only be a student; therefore I will be a student of Knowledge. |
IN THE WORLD YOU ARE A STUDENT—ALWAYS. Every day,
every hour and every minute you are learning and attempting to assimilate your
learning. You are either a student of Knowledge or a student of confusion. You
are either a student of certainty or a student of ambivalence. You are either a
student of wholeness and integrity or you are a student of conflict and war. You
can only learn from being in the world, and you can only demonstrate the result
of your learning.
THEREFORE, THERE IS NO CHOICE whether you will be a
student or not, for you will be a student even if you decide not to be a student.
If you decide not to be a student, you will merely study another curriculum. In
this, you have no choice, for to be in the world is to learn and to demonstrate
the result of your learning. Recognizing this, your decision, then, is to
determine where you will be a student and what you will learn. This is the
power of decision that is given to you. Knowledge will naturally guide you to
make the right decision and will lead you unto itself, for it is given to you
to give to the world. Thus, as you approach Knowledge, you will feel as if you
are engaged in a great homecoming. You will feel a great integration within
yourself, and you will feel your self-conflict and your war with yourself begin
to diminish and to fade.
BE A STUDENT OF KNOWLEDGE TODAY, for a student you
are. Choose the curriculum that has chosen you. Choose the curriculum that will
redeem you and through you the world. Choose the curriculum that fulfills your
purpose here and that exemplifies your life beyond this world, which wishes to
express itself here. Become a student of Knowledge.
REALIZE THE POWER OF TODAY’S IDEA and remember it
upon the hour. Always remember to read the day’s lesson prior to entering into the
world so that you may begin to utilize its practice for that day. Confirm your
studenthood in Knowledge. Strengthen your involvement as a student of
Knowledge. Follow today’s practices with greater and greater devotion.
IN YOUR TWO DEEPER PRACTICE PERIODS, actively
engage your mind in considering what it means to be a student in the world. Engage
your mind in understanding the message for today, and attempt to realize that
you are a student under all circumstances. Try to realize that you have no
choice here, for you must learn, assimilate and demonstrate your learning. This
is the foundation for true teaching. Realize that your purpose in the world is
to become a student of Knowledge, to assimilate Knowledge and to allow
Knowledge to express itself so that you may demonstrate Knowledge in the world.
In the simplest way, this is an expression of your purpose, and from your purpose
a specific calling will come forth to guide you in specific ways in the world
according to your nature and your design.
THUS, TODAY YOU WILL STRENGTHEN YOURSELF AS A
STUDENT of Knowledge. In your longer practice periods, actively engage your
mind in attempting to penetrate today’s idea and to recognize its absolute relevancy
to your life.
PRACTICE 290: Two 30-minute practice periods.
Hourly practice.
6:37
a.m. Monday, June 4, 2001 – Up – seeking to be relieved of the pain of my self-disappointment,
frustration, indolence and ambivalence. I can't focus? I can encourage others,
but am empty myself? I do not know. I keep having to trick myself into living.
Step 289 – "Today I am a student of Knowledge".
7:45
a.m. Gradually – I've come out of my a.m. funk. It is low blood pressure or
depression? My mind has turned a corner, and now it feels OK – but life was a
bummer in spite of a sunny day – low, low, low.
Jim
O… has requested some input for his report – that I can do – though it feels
like I'm giving away all my ideas. That's what they're for.
Time
to end this edition of the Journal?
2:09
p.m. Where am I? The lunch time burger hits – in the gut – slows. I found my
missing GIS file at home – As I was driving up to the house on the hunch that
it was in the file cabinet under GIS – I was thinking how I hate life because I
hate my imperfection – something that makes me err and self-defeat. That I
found the file – and was thankful for doing so.
10 p.m.
Cindy says I'm unavailable when I'm dealing with the kids’ problems. This is
true. She wants me to be available in these times. It isn't easily done. The
fact that she's not been available in the past makes no difference to her mind.
It is something she can live with or resent – I have no solution.
I'm
still not sure in this relationship. Things might have been different, but that
was my error. I can only seek a way to move forward. Life is not letting me off
the hook.
11:08
p.m. This journal won’t end. It would be nice to end with a flourish of insight
– but that is unlikely.
Step
290 – Tomorrow's Step is "I can only be a student. Therefore I will be a
student of Knowledge". It says "… As you approach K you will feel as
if you're engaged in a great homecoming". I felt that – then it faded.
Experiences don't stay; they can't
At
this point I feel zero – 0 – null. Distant from Cindy, tired and maintaining my
space. It occurs to me to pray that Knowledge be strengthened in David, Jamie,
Mary Ellen, Sarah, George, Lane, Emily – and Cindy and myself too.
S2K
would not be for everyone Too little juice.
The
Steps teach the causes of many of our self-talk issues: idealism that causes us
to judge ourselves and others. The ideas can be read 1,000 times, but that won’t
change the mind – experience is required. I am making progress, but, as the
Teachers say, am quickly “back in the soup”.
In many traditions there is long, extensive prayer. In Greater Community Spirituality - we just ask that Knowledge emerge in others. No prayer line; not much juice. Practical I suppose. Let us continue.
NNC
Note: If you’ve some interest due to this or other
Steps, you should go to the beginning blog post. From here you will learn about Steps to Knowledge
and can begin it on the day that makes sense; then progress as needed. You can
use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in
order in the archives - one post per Step.
Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps
once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference
how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide
a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One
may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps
students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as
a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well
through the Free School of the New Message.
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