x2 Step 87 – Journal Step 86 - I honor those who have given to me.

Today: Step 87 - I will not be afraid of what I know. (MP3)

Greetings All –

From the journal Step 86 - I honor those who have given to me.

"I honor those who have given to me." Step 86

 

7:20 a.m. Monday, November 13, 2000 – My first day as the writer for Regional Intelligence. I'd rather sleep – but that would lead to starvation.

The last thought I read in LTWOK last night was: "Do what you know." I've come to Know regions and that's what I've done to date. I can write a need to bring forth what I know in writing.

8:05 a.m. A new day – here to begin in a new way – my contribution to the world. Regions are networks, but they don't see themselves as networks. My goal is to shed some light on that perspective.

As I start out as a writer on regions, it feels like 1973 when I was trying to write my thesis. I would try to do it all in one day – that did not work. When I realized what I was doing, I said/wrote something to that effect on the typewriter and posted it in front of me.

When I went to urban affairs and planning, I was looking for my topic – my subject for film/communication. After 25 years I found it. Now I have to do it and earn my livelihood at it. This is a huge – invisible – challenge. It will not save the world – it is my contribution; it can help.

Step 86 – I honor those who have given to me.

Let me start with the assholes that gave me the literal boot: [six names] I'm angry for the limitations of these people,… Though I burned out and knew it, I had no way out. No place to go. So, on this first day devoted to RI, I honor them for burning my bridge?

This is a difficult planet. Many souls are angry. This comes to the fore. It is the lack of education. Children raising themselves. Tribes of children with no "greater perspective." It is offered in the media in some cases, but undercut by attitudes & advertisement.

Now to honor those of good intent who have given to me – there are first Everette and Helen – my parents. They gave what they could –…

I've had many good teachers who saw potential in me and sought to advance my education. [23 names]– a hyperactive kid – living with a spousal abuse family – All this giving I honor in this session for this step. I'm lucky to be alive and sane in a position to contribute.

…

→It is not simply crossing boundaries, but learning to work across local boundaries within inclusive communities of interest at all appropriate levels.

…

12:45 p.m. Lunch break. This is interesting, but not fun. Where is my audience? Who will pay me to think and solve problems? To whom can I sell myself about this skill I think I have?

1:48 p.m. The new Christoffel Columbus – out to prove the world is regional. Three ships – the Internet/the mind/the heart.

…

I need more focus…and I still like my job. It is from there that community can be leveraged. There are too many options for regional cooperation among locals, so the states need to define regions and get agencies to use them. Same with the feds and multi-state regions. Higher levels have to support the networking.

…

Step 86 #2 – I honor those who have given to me. David and Sarah have given me gray hair, and much more of value. Their contribution to me was giving my life meaning. I wrote many obits…my love life/relationships were so bad…but they were always a reason to stay in body.

Giving to me has been continuous. The few who have given me crap are limited, though they’ve had a short term impact. I faced today the challenge of how do I sell my ideas, find clients?

My world has been based on giving. I did, however, expect return. That may be where I erred. I started to take exceptions, want that anyway. I am in that third sector…and need a mundane job, something low hours and high pay. I can simplify everything but food.

Still – for this lesson I must honor and recognize those that given to me:–[86 names] and many, many more – the guides and unseen ones.

The journal had 14 pages of writing this day. It has been trimmed for this entry. Like the actors bowing on the Prague Estates Theater stage in the picture above, this day I honored the actors in my life. Villains too, for whom I’ve begun to forgive, though it will take many years of this Step to get clear. If you did not write out your own list, in the future – when this Step repeats – how will you know if you are making progress? Perhaps you have a great memory, but I don’t – so the journal supports my memory. Be patient. Let us continue.

 NNC

 

Note: If you’ve some interest due to this or other Steps, you should go to the beginning blog post. From here you will learn about Steps to Knowledge and can begin it on the day that makes sense; then progress as needed. You can use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in order in the archives - one post per Step.

Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well through the Free School of the New Message.