Friday, July 3, 2015

x2 Step 184 - My questions are greater than I had realized before. – Journal – Step 183



Today: Step 184 - My questions are greater than I had realized before. (MP3)

“My questions are greater than I had realized.” Step 184

WHAT YOU ARE REALLY ASKING FOR is far greater than what you have entertained before. Though your questions may have arisen out of immediate circumstances, you are asking for far more than immediate resolution to immediate things. Immediate resolution will be given, but from a Greater Source. It is this Greater Source that you are seeking, for you are seeking to realize your nature here, and you are seeking to find the preparation that will enable you to contribute your gifts so that your work in the world may be complete. Therefore, understand that you are here to serve. You are here to give. And in so doing, you will find your fulfillment. This will produce happiness for you.

IN YOUR TWO LONGER PRACTICE PERIODS TODAY, once again enter into stillness and silence, keeping in mind that stillness cultivates the mind to receive. In stillness you find that things are known already that you have neglected thus far. From these practice periods your mind will become more refined and have greater depth, greater concentration and a greater focus in all aspects of your life.

WHAT YOU ARE SEEKING TODAY is something greater than you have considered before. You are seeking to know the meaning of your Knowledge through its demonstration.

PRACTICE 184: Two 30-minute practice periods.

Note: A long entry.

12:05 a.m. - February 18, 2001

S2K – Part Two

"The mystery of your life calls to you because from mystery come all things of concrete value in the world."

I am mystified by my life. What do I do Monday? How do I balance all the directions I'm pulled or inclined?

Step 183 – I seek experience not answers. The text says “as your mind is prepared, it will become truly receptive and truly capable of carrying out what it receives.”

I have already received more than I feel I can carry out.

8:13 a.m. "All Gaul is divided into three parts," wrote Caesar Augustus.
It is a universal military strategy to divide to conquer and to rule by localized regions. By banding together – locals empower themselves to throw off their conquerors.

10:01 a.m. …
I've still a great distance to go in S2K, GCW and my contribution. I have meaning, purpose, direction. Where I/we fit in the creation is a mystery and shall always be so. A microcosm of the whole I may be/am, but except that I am/we are – I do not expect to envision/Know the whole through a limited human brain – or perhaps even through Spiritual Knowledge it is unlikely that I'd even get it all – it won't be gotten.

GCW – II – Pleasure –
– Review your own investment in pleasure. Itemized – look @ the reward.

In the past two years there has been a change in my investment of time & money. There has been a shift. Since I 1st began setting goals and priorities, the simple list was Christ, children, career. I had recreation, wealth, TJC designs, community - as goals as well.

As a result of GCW I’ve rebalanced my goals to the pillars relationships, health, work and Spirit.

I am moving to better integration. I've gotten off of metaphysical welfare and become more realistic. I've had to come down to move up. The focus is on the foundation.

My pleasures are hiking in the world's, helping people learn about their world – past, present and future, and using tools –

My sport is NASCAR. I devote some time to it. I stopped investing in collectibles – and limiting time at the flea market – though I still enjoy that. I'm simplifying possessions and seeking to organize.

I invest in TV – some too in music. In my plan I’ve simplified goals – eliminated objectives.

Years ago I did not think simplicity was possible. It does occur within reorganization – in evolution. Once roles become part of the DNA – genetic – they have some guarantee of life, but not the vigor of original creation.

I've less investment in fear.

Sensory pleasures: dark chocolate, Starbucks coffee, wine, cheese – roast beef. Investment here may be too high. It is eating well/if not overeating.

Music – the whole world, VH1 – and stories of artists and groups. Many are lessons of error and inspiration. I don't know which stories will hit me with insight.

I study the culture – which I need to promote cooperation – I seek examples. Thus – I watch C-SPAN – skim books – it is a pleasure and supports my work. I'm open to guidance on where/what not to watch. Intuitive serendipity – (guidance?) Has led to benefit in the past.

I'm heavily invested in my kids – to teach, not make them dependent. I support my family…but am still detached – not taking responsibility or being codependent.

Reading has always been pleasurable. That has given me the K that I do have peers and there are lives that inspire me.

Having inner power and being humble/having humility has always been difficult, an internal conflict. Power cannot, it seems to me, be neutral. To override the will of others, even when they are operating from lack of information the misinformation is conflicting.

Being tough – I'm perceived that way – demanding – but not from my intent/nor much success it seems.

11:10 a.m. The idea of power, inner power – scares me for I might misuse it. The Nazi Germany life experience? Unity for defense leads to attack. Scapegoating uses fear to create unity by blaming others.
….
Inner power has arisen to protect me and others – so I do have it/and am grateful.

This issue of power for me is a confusion of levels I imagine. That does not erase my issues with "power." I want everyone to be responsible. I've not always been so, but the framework of life has protected me and others for the most part.

I guess I can say I have faith that my inner power will manifest as needed. It must be guided by Knowledge – this I know.

I trust Holy Spirit –

"power" alone cannot be trusted. I do not seek power for its own sake – but must have power to live and to share.

As S2K points out, power demands responsibility. I'm not that confident about my own integrity/responsibility. That area I judge to be weak. I've been overpowered there by others?

10:50 a.m. In the shower – isms and defined action –
Localism works because of local boundaries
Statism works because of state boundaries
Nationalism works because of national boundaries
Regionalism does not work – has no defined boundaries – so it has no chance at perfectionism.

Localities, states, nations have a geographic wholeness because of their political boundaries.

This boundedness serves community building – localities, states and nations work because of the community.

The planet is bounded –

2:47 p.m. Late in the day for Practice #1 – but not due to neglect. This is clearly Part Two. I am ready and committed to this path. I'm needing to sort out "inner power" and "power." It is the idea of power and its misuse that concerns me. I wouldn't trust myself with power, or rather I don't want responsibility for the use of power. Anything can be criticized. I'm afraid of criticism and unsure of decisions? Others are not so inclined – they have (or at least act like they have) full confidence in everything they do. No admission of error – an excuse/reason for everything.

3:30 p.m. "I seek experience – not answers. My life has involved experiences which led me to Knowledge. ACIM pointed in the direction of Holy Spirit. I sought experienced Holy Instants. Urantia spoke of Thought Adjuster's – guides –. In the woods – I've met spirit, in my fears – boot camp, I reached out for God… I’ve never been turned away – but I have been turned to my experience. Even with RI – it is the Regions Work experience which moves me. I need to take the experience, turn it into ideas to teach people about the experiences they may be having, but their own ideas of perfectionism are denying them from seeing/feeling/knowing.

Very long entry this day. A house-cleaning, status report self-review that demonstrates change as well the need for further development. Writing such thought down is time-consuming, but if you don’t, you’ll never fully remember where your thoughts have been, or how often you’ve been in the same place again – see the cycle and seek to break it. Let us continue – it is Part Two and we are committed.

NNC
 
Note: If you’ve some interest due to this or other Steps, you should go to the beginning blog post. From here you will learn about Steps to Knowledge and can begin it on the day that makes sense; then progress as needed. You can use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in order in the archives - one post per Step.

Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well through the Free School of the New Message.

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