Today: Step 184 - My questions are greater than I had
realized before. (MP3)
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| “My questions are greater than I had realized.” Step 184 |
WHAT YOU ARE REALLY ASKING FOR is far greater than
what you have entertained before. Though your questions may have arisen out of
immediate circumstances, you are asking for far more than immediate resolution
to immediate things. Immediate resolution will be given, but from a Greater
Source. It is this Greater Source that you are seeking, for you are seeking to
realize your nature here, and you are seeking to find the preparation that will
enable you to contribute your gifts so that your work in the world may be complete.
Therefore, understand that you are here to serve. You are here to give. And in
so doing, you will find your fulfillment. This will produce happiness for you.
IN YOUR TWO LONGER PRACTICE PERIODS TODAY, once
again enter into stillness and silence, keeping in mind that stillness
cultivates the mind to receive. In stillness you find that things are known
already that you have neglected thus far. From these practice periods your mind
will become more refined and have greater depth, greater concentration and a
greater focus in all aspects of your life.
WHAT YOU ARE SEEKING TODAY is something greater
than you have considered before. You are seeking to know the meaning of your Knowledge
through its demonstration.
PRACTICE 184: Two 30-minute practice periods.
Note: A long entry.
12:05
a.m. - February 18, 2001
S2K
– Part Two
"The
mystery of your life calls to you because from mystery come all things of
concrete value in the world."
I am
mystified by my life. What do I do Monday? How do I balance all the directions
I'm pulled or inclined?
Step
183 – I seek experience not answers. The text says “as your mind is prepared,
it will become truly receptive and truly capable of carrying out what it receives.”
I
have already received more than I feel I can carry out.
8:13
a.m. "All Gaul is divided into three parts," wrote Caesar Augustus.
It
is a universal military strategy to divide to conquer and to rule by localized
regions. By banding together – locals empower themselves to throw off their
conquerors.
…
10:01
a.m. …
I've
still a great distance to go in S2K, GCW and my contribution. I have meaning, purpose,
direction. Where I/we fit in the creation is a mystery and shall always be so.
A microcosm of the whole I may be/am, but except that I am/we are – I do not
expect to envision/Know the whole through a limited human brain – or perhaps
even through Spiritual Knowledge it is unlikely that I'd even get it all – it
won't be gotten.
GCW
– II – Pleasure –
–
Review your own investment in pleasure. Itemized – look @ the reward.
→In the past two
years there has been a change in my investment of time & money. There has
been a shift. Since I 1st began setting goals and priorities, the simple list
was Christ, children, career. I had recreation, wealth, TJC designs, community -
as goals as well.
As a
result of GCW I’ve rebalanced my goals to the pillars relationships, health,
work and Spirit.
→I am moving to
better integration. I've gotten off of metaphysical welfare and become more
realistic. I've had to come down to move up. The focus is on the foundation.
My
pleasures are hiking in the world's, helping people learn about their world –
past, present and future, and using tools –
My
sport is NASCAR. I devote some time to it. I stopped investing in collectibles
– and limiting time at the flea market – though I still enjoy that. I'm
simplifying possessions and seeking to organize.
I
invest in TV – some too in music. In my plan I’ve simplified goals – eliminated
objectives.
Years
ago I did not think simplicity was possible. It does occur within
reorganization – in evolution. Once roles become part of the DNA – genetic –
they have some guarantee of life, but not the vigor of original creation.
I've
less investment in fear.
Sensory
pleasures: dark chocolate, Starbucks coffee, wine, cheese – roast beef.
Investment here may be too high. It is eating well/if not overeating.
Music
– the whole world, VH1 – and stories of artists and groups. Many are lessons of
error and inspiration. I don't know which stories will hit me with insight.
I
study the culture – which I need to promote cooperation – I seek examples. Thus
– I watch C-SPAN – skim books – it is a pleasure and supports my work. I'm open
to guidance on where/what not to watch. Intuitive serendipity – (guidance?) Has
led to benefit in the past.
I'm
heavily invested in my kids – to teach, not make them dependent. I support my
family…but am still detached – not taking responsibility or being codependent.
Reading
has always been pleasurable. That has given me the K that I do have peers and
there are lives that inspire me.
Having
inner power and being humble/having humility has always been difficult, an internal
conflict. Power cannot, it seems to me, be neutral. To override the will of
others, even when they are operating from lack of information the
misinformation is conflicting.
Being
tough – I'm perceived that way – demanding – but not from my intent/nor much
success it seems.
11:10
a.m. The idea of power, inner power – scares me for I might misuse it. The Nazi
Germany life experience? Unity for defense leads to attack. Scapegoating uses
fear to create unity by blaming others.
….
Inner
power has arisen to protect me and others – so I do have it/and am grateful.
This
issue of power for me is a confusion of levels I imagine. That does not erase
my issues with "power." I want everyone to be responsible. I've not
always been so, but the framework of life has protected me and others for the
most part.
I guess I can say I have faith that my inner power
will manifest as needed. It must be guided by Knowledge – this I know.
I trust Holy Spirit –
"power" alone cannot be trusted. I do not
seek power for its own sake – but must have power to live and to share.
As S2K
points out, power demands responsibility. I'm not that confident about my own
integrity/responsibility. That area I judge to be weak. I've been overpowered
there by others?
10:50
a.m. In the shower – isms and defined action –
Localism
works because of local boundaries
Statism
works because of state boundaries
Nationalism
works because of national boundaries
→Regionalism does
not work – has no defined boundaries – so it has no chance at perfectionism.
Localities,
states, nations have a geographic wholeness because of their political
boundaries.
This
boundedness serves community building – localities, states and nations work
because of the community.
The
planet is bounded –
2:47
p.m. Late in the day for Practice #1 – but not due to neglect. This is clearly
Part Two. I am ready and committed to this path. I'm needing to sort out
"inner power" and "power." It is the idea of power and its
misuse that concerns me. I wouldn't trust myself with power, or rather I don't
want responsibility for the use of power. Anything can be criticized. I'm
afraid of criticism and unsure of decisions? Others are not so inclined – they
have (or at least act like they have) full confidence in everything they do. No
admission of error – an excuse/reason for everything.
3:30
p.m. "I seek experience – not answers. My life has involved experiences
which led me to Knowledge. ACIM
pointed in the direction of Holy Spirit. I sought experienced Holy Instants. Urantia
spoke of Thought Adjuster's – guides –. In the woods – I've met spirit, in my
fears – boot camp, I reached out for God… I’ve never been turned away – but I
have been turned to my experience. Even with RI – it is the Regions Work
experience which moves me. I need to take the experience, turn it into ideas to
teach people about the experiences they may be having, but their own ideas of
perfectionism are denying them from seeing/feeling/knowing.
Very long entry this day. A house-cleaning, status
report self-review that demonstrates change as well the need for further
development. Writing such thought down is time-consuming, but if you don’t, you’ll
never fully remember where your thoughts have been, or how often you’ve been in
the same place again – see the cycle and seek to break it. Let us continue – it
is Part Two and we are committed.
NNC
Note: If you’ve some interest due to this or other
Steps, you should go to the beginning blog post. From here you will learn about Steps to Knowledge
and can begin it on the day that makes sense; then progress as needed. You can
use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in
order in the archives - one post per Step.
Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps
once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference
how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide
a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One
may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps
students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as
a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well
through the Free School of the New Message.
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