x2 Step 5 - Journal Step 4 - I want what I think I know.

I believe what I want to believe. Step 5 (MP3) Journal – Step 4

Greetings All –

I believe what I want to believe. Step 5

THIS STATEMENT REPRESENTS THE GREAT FOLLY OF HUMANITY and humanity’s most dangerous forms of self-deception. Beliefs are primarily founded upon what is wished for, not on what is actually happening and not on what is genuine. They may in fact represent the greater ideals of humanity and in this they bear a true reflection, but on a day-to-day basis, and in most practical questions, people base their beliefs on things they hope for, not on things that actually exist. You must have a very sound understanding that the approach to any resolution and to any constructive establishment must begin with current reality. What you are and what you have today must be your starting point.

THEREFORE, IN YOUR THREE PRACTICE PERIODS TODAY, think about this statement. Examine what you believe and then examine what you want. You will find that even your fearful or negative beliefs are associated with your ambitions. Only careful application of today’s practice will reveal this to you.

PRACTICE 5: Three 10-minute practice periods.

Picture: Pier and beach, Venice, California February 3, 2012.

From the journal: Step 4 - I want what I think I know.

6:43 AM. Tuesday, August 22, 2000

Who does soul rescue for the traumatized?

Step #4 – I want to what I think I know. #1

What do I think I know? I'm surrounded by people who know how to live. They are focused, but I seem not to be – because there is so little I know. I want food, shelter and clothing, but not the minimum. I want time and resources to pursue my understanding of cooperation. I've not understood how to invest. I followed assumptions that wealth would grow – but did not make time to do the work. My assumption is that better information leads to better decisions.

→ The Commonwealth of Virginia has more regional intelligence, therefore does better with many programs – “to region” is an organizational strategy.

– Regional Council –

Every region needs a futurist organization – a regional counsel – that has funding for

– data – census, state, local

– economic transition

– transportation

– water issues

#2  I want what I think I know. Since this is the second round – I've given up some assumptions – been forced to do so by the work situation. I always assumed doing good would spare me enemies, but that has turned out not to be true. Conflict exists – there are right and wrong ways to do something. I dreamed there could be a world without conflict. I can’t have a relationship w/o conflict.--- There's really no us – no devotion that I can sense. So the idea of love fails to materialize here.

10:08 PM. #3  I want what I think I know. When young – in high school [1960-64], I assumed that if I went to college I would earn $10,000 a year and be able to buy a Corvette – just as one dropout teacher turned salesman showed us. I went through a period assuming I had defective genes and shouldn't reproduce. I gained a little confidence in the world thanks to my humor – found sex and had a little better self-opinion. I found and married Mary Ellen – and assumed like getting married, that that led to children. I found planning after surviving the ego drop/depression of the Navy/marriage experience. I got the degree and assumed I'd finally make money – but in 1973 – 10-11 years after the $10,000/Corvette goal, I started work for $9,600 – and later bought a Honda Civic for $2,557.

I assumed life in the country, meeting M.E.'s dream would lead to happiness for her, and thus me as an afterthought.

I then assume getting a house and adopting a child would lead to happiness.

I assumed parenting responsibility for David when M.E. failed, and Sarah too

I had also assumed that M.E. was too smart to be an alcoholic.

As my assumptions failed, one after another – (many more happened, but did not make this list), I began to look @ Christ/Spirit as a helper

I passed over the Urantia book for $1 in 1974 – but it stuck in my mind.

I assumed spirituality would make my life better. It did set me on a long, eclectic path which led me to S2K.

The Assumptions going into marriage did not pan out.

The Assumptions about staff, Commissioners, working - did not work out.

Assumptions about investing in retirement did not work out.

Assumptions about David and Sarah have been more realistic. I know them. They can surprise me – good or bad.

I learned to give up assumptions about my parents. They are free to be themselves.

10:40 PM. As for assumptions about me – I guess they are there.

11:05 PM. Then running through the assumptions of my life – there are many – what do I know?

– The love of my parents, sisters, family, children.

– My work with the regions/cooperation.

– Spirit

– (previously – Christ, children, career)

The first time through, I may have had many of these thoughts, but I didn’t commit them to the journal, where, in review, I had to work with them. When I became a single parent – December 4, 1980, the children became my life focus, along with my career. After my born again experience of Spirit, July 17, 1982, and as a consequence of my planning focus, my priorities became: Christ, children, career. That was a helpful focusing meme. It was my version then of meaning, purpose and direction.

NNC