x2 Step 243 - I do not need to be special to give. – Journal – Step 242

Today:  Step 243 - I do not need to be special to give. (MP3)

I do not need to be special to give. Step 243

THE ATTEMPT TO BE SPECIAL UNDERLIES ALL HUMAN AMBITION. All human ambition that is not born of Knowledge is born of the attempt to offset the grave disappointment and great anxiety of separation. The attempt to be special is the attempt to fortify separation. It is the attempt to make yourself greater at the expense of others. It always denies life and Knowledge and always leads to greater confusion, frustration and despair.

YOU ARE FREED THIS DAY FROM ATTEMPTING to make yourself special, for in this way you will find the true relief that you have sought in all of your previous endeavors. What is special in you is your unique form of expression of that which is inherent in all life. Then, that which joins life and is life is affirmed. Your individuality is affirmed as well, but not to the exclusion of the value of any other expression of life. Here you are not special. You are simply you. You are greater than an individual because you are part of life, and yet you are an individual because you express life individually. Here all conflict and confusion end. That which is limited expresses that which is unlimited, and that which is unique expresses that which is inherent and intrinsic. This is the resolution that you seek, for you do not really wish to be special. You only wish to have your individual life have purpose, meaning and direction.

UPON THE HOUR THINK OF THIS after you repeat the idea for today. In your deeper practices, enter into stillness and peace once again. Do not petition for answers because you do not need to do this in your meditation practices. Your time now is to practice receiving Knowledge, in which your individuality is honored and confirmed for its true purpose and in which your specialness, which has only been a grave and impossible burden for you, is gently lifted from your shoulders. Do not seek to be special today, for that is not the purpose of your life. Then, all fear of death and destruction will leave you. Then, all judgment and comparison with others will leave you. Then, you will be able to honor life and honor your relationships, which are an expression of everything today’s lesson will teach you.

PRACTICE 243: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly practice.

From the journal:  Step 242 - My greatest gift to the world is my Knowledge.

6:55 a.m. Wednesday, April 18, 2001 – being a good person for this life and the next. It's not Karma – just getting your next role.

6:57 p.m. A Post-it has written on it "Tom's Real Work" – A question or statement with an answer. 1/22/02

7:05 p.m. Home from work – Angry – angry that the regional data is not being done – angry that no one else I know sees the value or the need – angry that I don't have the resources to do it quickly and fear that time will take too long. I lost status @ PDC. That may be for the better in the long run, but I neither see it nor feel it.

8:12 p.m. Anger becomes apathy. Food, tea, TV – energy lost. Back to zero. So – LTWK – a little reading. Isolate from distraction and work into oblivion? Not where I want to go.

LTWK page 9. The more I read, the more I reduce my expectations.

"… seek to find that which is essential within you".

9:05 p.m. I want a miracle. There won't be one. I have an opportunity to work. I want a miracle. David and Sarah are learning to live their lives. Mine is falling apart. Not because I don't have meaning, purpose and direction, but because I've been hurt in relationships. My truthfulness… lost to lies. At work, the world of nothing rules. People are doing less than nothing. I've been robbed. I can't seem to get over it. It is bizarre. I should be working on database programming. I'm not.

– Practice #2 – "My greatest gift to the world is my Knowledge". In spite of the agony of the day, I was able to give to … – in my job – I can give all the time.

My problem is that I cannot give more, I cannot give all.

11:49 p.m. Wednesday, April 18 – 2001. Pillars – relationships – I need to move forward to a higher experience of spirit in my life/as my life – and leave the past and present distractions. I can't return to a "Jesus loves me" Bible world, even though I'm a dumb kid sometimes.

Steps thinking roils the mind; the mental waters. Let us continue.

NNC

Note: If you’ve some interest due to this or other Steps, you should go to the beginning blog post. From here you will learn about Steps to Knowledge and can begin it on the day that makes sense; then progress as needed. You can use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in order in the archives - one post per Step.

Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well through the Free School of the New Message.

x2 Step 242 - My greatest gift to the world is my Knowledge. – Journal – Step 241

Today:  Step 242 - My greatest gift to the world is my Knowledge. (MP3) 

Step 242 - My greatest gift to the world is my Knowledge.

THIS IS YOUR GREATEST GIFT. It is the gift that imbues all other giving and gives it meaning. This is the gift that gives value to all human expression, all human endeavor and all human invention that is intended to support the well-being of humanity in its evolution. Knowledge is not something that you can quantify and give, as if you put it into a package or delineate it with your ideas. It is a presence and a quality of life that is the very essence of life. It makes all giving and contribution meaningful.

THIS IS YOUR GREATEST GIFT, which you are now learning to receive. As you receive it, it will give itself naturally, for you cannot keep Knowledge for yourself. Once it emerges, it begins to express itself in all directions and specifically in certain directions and in certain involvements with certain people according to its design and Wisdom. Thus, if you receive Knowledge, it must be given. It will give itself, and you will want to give it because you possess wealth, and wealth can only be increased through giving. Thus, in essence, life is all about the giving of Knowledge. Wherever this giving cannot be accomplished, there is all manner of deception, disappointment and despair. But when giving is reactivated in these circumstances, these qualities of denial will be dispelled, and Knowledge will once again begin to express itself in very specific ways.

THEREFORE, UPON THE HOUR remind yourself of this great truth, and in your deeper meditations allow yourself to experience Knowledge. Allow yourself to receive it. Give yourself to this application of your mind and your body. In this, Knowledge will give itself, and you will be fulfilled because you have given life the greatest gift that can be given.

PRACTICE 242: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly practice.

Today is August 29, 2015. In my Outlook calendar I have an important anniversary noted: “Beginning Student of Knowledge since this day in 1998 – Reading Greater Community Spirituality – Started S2K later on June 27, 1999.” At some point, you might record similar dates in your life for annual celebration. Though I come quite a distance, a far greater journey lies ahead. In my years of study I’ve seen students come and go. Many had great commitment and desire to act, but over time, were never seen again. It does take persistence, as it proves to be difficult for others who seek, but are not open to this message.

From the journal:  Step 241 - My anger is unjustified.

April 17, 2001

7:25 a.m. "My anger is unjustified". – Practice #1 those things I'm angry about in the true seed of communication within.

Anger with PDC/people there – is about failure to see the lack of investment

Anger in my life, is mostly about loss of opportunity. Failure to educate/be educated – understand.

11:45 a.m. Back from the Clark Co. Board presentation for River Rec. It is interesting – troubling – how disconnected things are. W/O regional events, there is no reason for regions to meet – get along – communicate on any common issues. From the ground level view of Route 340 – or any other terrestrial road – one can't see the whole or sub-whole.

5:36 p.m. Since about 2:30 p.m. I've been fatigued. Went to a Housing Action meaning @ Rural Development event Kernstown – dozed throughout the meeting. Sheetz coffee & Mounds bars & rock music that back to the office and to 5 p.m., but the walk home slow. Cindy upset; I have no energy to walk I felt this way before. There's no fever. No that sickness… just painfully slow.

The Step today: "My anger is unjustified". It is oozing anger? Last year I’d not yet reached the change.

Practice #2 –

Right now I'm angry that I have lots to do and that my energy is gone – my body wants silence and the exercise is active. It felt like I and Cindy should quit our jobs, live on the money we have till that's gone and then kill each other – get out of here.

That is the escape thinking with tired mind. I sense Stephen K… is disappointed at the PDC work… it is not what he expected.

I'm not angry at my car, house, room, lawn, skills, talent, health, family – I'm angry about my treatment in the past year at work… but there was no way to win.

11:17 p.m. Where am I? Devoid of anger? In full understanding of its purpose? Still sorting myself out? Still rather watch TV to do my work?

LTWK – p. 8 – It is all about building character: becoming strong & determined, patient & observant. It is at the level of the personal mind.

What anger? When you’ve been brought up in a fighting household and you’ve lived in the fictional and news reported violence of the U.S., anger has many implements. Just being given an antidote tool does not eliminate the problem. Use needs to be learned – experienced. Let us continue.

NNC

Note: If you’ve some interest due to this or other Steps, you should go to the beginning blog post. From here you will learn about Steps to Knowledge and can begin it on the day that makes sense; then progress as needed. You can use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in order in the archives - one post per Step.

Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well through the Free School of the New Message.

x2 Step 241 - My anger is unjustified. – Journal – Step 240

Today:  Step 241 - My anger is unjustified. (MP3)

My anger is unjustified. Step 241

ANGER IS UNJUSTIFIED, FOR ANGER ALONE is merely your response to your failure to apply Knowledge. This engenders anger at its very source. But this need not happen, because anger is a response. As a response it can generate anger in others and stimulate a violent response internally and externally wherever it is applied. Knowledge, however, will redirect anger so that it has no destructive qualities, for what you wish to express is that which fortifies Knowledge in others. It is the strength of your conviction and not your desire to hurt yourself or others that is the true efficacy of the emotion that is the core of anger. Thus, it may be said that your anger is a true communication that has been distorted by your own projections of blame and fear. Once these distortions have been cleared away, the true communication that is the seed of all anger can be expressed. This can only bring about good.

ANGER, THEN, IS NOT JUSTIFIED, for it is a misinterpretation of a true communication. Your anger is not justified because anger is born of confusion. Yet, confusion calls for preparation and the true application of Knowledge. Therefore, the sinful are not punished but are attended to. The wicked are not sent to hell but are prepared for Heaven. This is the true nature of God’s purpose in the world. That is why God can never be angry, because God is not offended. God is merely applying God to a situation where God has temporarily been forgotten.

IN THE GREATER SCOPE OF THINGS, even the separation of all individual minds is a very temporary occurrence. You cannot think yet at this level and will not be able to do so for a long time, for you must undergo the various stages of development that integrate your mind into greater and greater experiences of relationship and life. But as you proceed and as you take each vital step that expands your horizons, you will begin to understand that anger is unjustified. It merely represents a failure to apply Knowledge in a particular situation. This calls for remedy not for condemnation. Here you will realize that your anger is something to be understood. It is not to be rejected, for if you reject anger, you also reject the seed of anger, which is true communication. Therefore, we wish to clean away that which has spoiled your true communication so that your true communication may shine forth, for true communication always comes from Knowledge.

THINK OF THIS IDEA UPON THE HOUR. In your deeper practice periods, actively engage your mind in looking at every single thing that you are angry about, from very tiny things that are specific to things in general that upset or discourage you. Remind yourself as you review your inventory of anger that your anger is unjustified. Remind yourself that it calls for the application of Knowledge and that within each angry experience or feeling that you have, there is a seed which is true. Therefore, your anger need not be rejected but cleansed, for in cleansing your anger you will be able to communicate that which you intended to communicate in the beginning where you initially failed. Then your self-expression will be complete, and anger will be no more.

PRACTICE 241: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly practice.

Yesterday:  Step 240 - Small ideas cannot fulfill my need for Knowledge.

This was a challenging Step. In the material it says: “It requires Knowledge to follow Knowledge. It requires Knowledge to prepare for Knowledge. Thus, Knowledge is exercised even as you approach it.” That I underlined on the Steps page.

The green ink is from the first time; blue is 2001 this day in the journal. The note takes the view that for the mind to become “more simple and open” is “A promise”.

From the journal:  Step 240 - Small ideas cannot fulfill my need for Knowledge.

April 16, 2001 – Monday

11:14 a.m. Knowledge is needed to pursue Knowledge. I've begun the process. Letting go of the past, letting go of habits – takes time. Their lack of value gets proven once again and their pull weakens. My focus has improved but I am still uncertain how to live the S2K Puritan way.

11:15 p.m. 12 hours later. Back from Virginia Beach. David called – he and Jamie are staying together. He said it was cheaper to keep her. He's maturing in the face of American social & economic realities.

Cindy was bummed out after the call …. I plan to go for a walk to get some of my nervous energy out.

Going past the office I didn't stop it. It was as though the Valley Tribal Council is in the conference room and wanted to meet. I felt they'd let me down and needed someone else. That was a strange thought – but it stuck. If they could have helped – they didn’t – not in a way I could get it.

The solution has to be big. It just can't limp from NSV to SU – Marsh Institute. I don't know how it will go. The advantage of simply saying no came to mind. Saying no to David and Jamie – got them to move.

Now – at work, I'm in a position where I can say no. Before it seemed like I always had to say yes.

Physical exercise… That's what I need.

Small ideas. They get us moving, but where we are going? Let us continue.

NNC

Note: If you’ve some interest due to this or other Steps, you should go to the beginning blog post. From here you will learn about Steps to Knowledge and can begin it on the day that makes sense; then progress as needed. You can use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in order in the archives - one post per Step.

Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well through the Free School of the New Message.