|I do not need to be special to give. Step 243|
Monday, August 31, 2015
x2 Step 243 - I do not need to be special to give. – Journal – Step 242
Today: Step 243 - I do not need to be special to give. (MP3)
THE ATTEMPT TO BE SPECIAL UNDERLIES ALL HUMAN AMBITION. All human ambition that is not born of Knowledge is born of the attempt to offset the grave disappointment and great anxiety of separation. The attempt to be special is the attempt to fortify separation. It is the attempt to make yourself greater at the expense of others. It always denies life and Knowledge and always leads to greater confusion, frustration and despair.
YOU ARE FREED THIS DAY FROM ATTEMPTING to make yourself special, for in this way you will find the true relief that you have sought in all of your previous endeavors. What is special in you is your unique form of expression of that which is inherent in all life. Then, that which joins life and is life is affirmed. Your individuality is affirmed as well, but not to the exclusion of the value of any other expression of life. Here you are not special. You are simply you. You are greater than an individual because you are part of life, and yet you are an individual because you express life individually. Here all conflict and confusion end. That which is limited expresses that which is unlimited, and that which is unique expresses that which is inherent and intrinsic. This is the resolution that you seek, for you do not really wish to be special. You only wish to have your individual life have purpose, meaning and direction.
UPON THE HOUR THINK OF THIS after you repeat the idea for today. In your deeper practices, enter into stillness and peace once again. Do not petition for answers because you do not need to do this in your meditation practices. Your time now is to practice receiving Knowledge, in which your individuality is honored and confirmed for its true purpose and in which your specialness, which has only been a grave and impossible burden for you, is gently lifted from your shoulders. Do not seek to be special today, for that is not the purpose of your life. Then, all fear of death and destruction will leave you. Then, all judgment and comparison with others will leave you. Then, you will be able to honor life and honor your relationships, which are an expression of everything today’s lesson will teach you.
PRACTICE 243: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly practice.
From the journal: Step 242 - My greatest gift to the world is my Knowledge.
6:55 a.m. Wednesday, April 18, 2001 – being a good person for this life and the next. It's not Karma – just getting your next role.
6:57 p.m. A Post-it has written on it "Tom's Real Work" – A question or statement with an answer. 1/22/02
7:05 p.m. Home from work – Angry – angry that the regional data is not being done – angry that no one else I know sees the value or the need – angry that I don't have the resources to do it quickly and fear that time will take too long. I lost status @ PDC. That may be for the better in the long run, but I neither see it nor feel it.
8:12 p.m. Anger becomes apathy. Food, tea, TV – energy lost. Back to zero. So – LTWK – a little reading. Isolate from distraction and work into oblivion? Not where I want to go.
LTWK page 9. The more I read, the more I reduce my expectations.
"… seek to find that which is essential within you".
9:05 p.m. I want a miracle. There won't be one. I have an opportunity to work. I want a miracle. David and Sarah are learning to live their lives. Mine is falling apart. Not because I don't have meaning, purpose and direction, but because I've been hurt in relationships. My truthfulness… lost to lies. At work, the world of nothing rules. People are doing less than nothing. I've been robbed. I can't seem to get over it. It is bizarre. I should be working on database programming. I'm not.
– Practice #2 – "My greatest gift to the world is my Knowledge". In spite of the agony of the day, I was able to give to … – in my job – I can give all the time.
My problem is that I cannot give more, I cannot give all.
11:49 p.m. Wednesday, April 18 – 2001. Pillars – relationships – I need to move forward to a higher experience of spirit in my life/as my life – and leave the past and present distractions. I can't return to a "Jesus loves me" Bible world, even though I'm a dumb kid sometimes.
Steps thinking roils the mind; the mental waters. Let us continue.
Note: If you’ve some interest due to this or other Steps, you should go to the beginning blog post. From here you will learn about Steps to Knowledge and can begin it on the day that makes sense; then progress as needed. You can use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in order in the archives - one post per Step.
Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well through the Free School of the New Message.