Today: Step 230 - My suffering
is born of confusion. (MP3)
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| My suffering is born of confusion. Step 230 |
YOUR SUFFERING IS BORN OF CONFUSION. Allow yourself
to be confused so that you may recognize the true path of reclamation. Is this
idea confusing to you? It may be confusing because people will not accept their
confusion. They will tell lies about it, saying they are certain when they are
confused, projecting blame upon others to excuse themselves or projecting blame
upon themselves to excuse others. All of this represents confusion.
WHEN YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ARE CONFUSED, then you
can claim the means to regain your certainty. If you do not accept that you are
confused, you will impose substitutes for certainty upon yourself and the world
and thus remove yourself from the possibility of receiving your certainty. This
is why you must realize that your confusion is the source of your suffering,
and you must allow yourself to be confused to recognize your true predicament. Recognizing
your true predicament, you will see the great need for Knowledge, and this will
engender in you the dedication and the self-application that is necessary for
you to receive that which is your inheritance.
TODAY REPEAT THIS IDEA UPON THE HOUR and do not
forget to do so. In your two longer practice periods, engage your mind actively
in attempting to understand the depth and the meaning of today’s idea. Recognize
objectively all of the feelings and the thoughts that are in favor of it and all
of the feelings and the thoughts that are opposed to it. Take special care to
recognize any objection that you might have to today’s idea. Then, recognize
the power of this idea within your own mind. This will give you a recognition
of today’s idea and its true meaning. This will also help enable you to realize
objectively the current construction of your mind. This is all part of your
education as a student of Knowledge. Give yourself to considering today’s idea
and do not be complacent with simple answers and explanations, for today’s idea
contains a gift you have not yet experienced.
PRACTICE 230: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly
practice.
The picture is of New Orleans’ Bourbon Street. When I visited for a conference, my Bourbon Street fronting room was too noisy in the afternoon, so I and asked for one that was more quiet. The city has a long and interesting history; it is old and human scale - very walk-able. The people here are looking for something - confusion loves company.
Stateside? Time to get a supply of composition
books for journals during “Back to School” sales. The fancy ones are nice,
here’s an Amazon selection, but at $5 to $10+ a copy, that is a big cost when journaling for the
rest of your life. What I’ve used for 40 years is the trusty composition book:
which now comes in many colors
and designs.
It is OK to have a special or topical journal, but
over time, I’ve moved to a single journal, even as it relates to taking notes
at conferences. Journaling is a way to
capture messages and thoughts of/for one’s soul.
From the journal: Step
229 - I will not blame another for my pain.
7 a.m.
Thursday, April 5, 2001 – Waking funky – alone… moods are my obstacle –
emotions, but K pays no attention to moods. I'm out of alignment with my
purpose. I feel alone in trying to effect the new vision I see. I need an
audience, there is none. I need an act – there are pieces. The work is in
progress – I need a coach.
[4/30/01
– My pitch to individuals for RI has yet to be rejected by non politicians.]
1:37
p.m. At home for lunch – very angry today about my loss of status/hurt –
confused – S2K is not a therapy it says.
I
will live past this day. I must accept blame for my own fall. I must accept
blame for not having allies. I must accept blame for creating enemies. I must
accept blame for trying too much. I must accept blame for my relationship
choices. I must accept blame for not having achieved enough Knowledge. I am
responsible for my life. Where I've been ignorant/yet taking action – where I
guessed, wished, hoped, did not see – I erred.
I'm
alive – angry with myself and others, and confused. I do not understand the world.
It may not be understandable from where I sit – from where I think.
I
only know that I want to contribute. I'm not alone. I bet 99% of people would
say they want to contribute.
More
letting go is required here.
7:50
p.m. At the trail – 5 trees – after work/shopping/I decided I needed to be here
for my 2nd practice. In the 13 months since I first did the lesson – I became
unburdened. I am more invisible here in Front Royal.
Steps
says "The pain that hurts me (you) is the crown of thorns of my (your) own
ideas and assumptions, my (your) own misgivings and misinformation and my
(your) own unforgiveness toward you yourself and the world.
Knowledge
is with me and is the remedy for pain.
This portion of the Steps make us go deep.Let us continue.
NNC
Note: If you’ve some interest due to this or other
Steps, you should go to the beginning blog post. From here you will learn about Steps to Knowledge
and can begin it on the day that makes sense; then progress as needed. You can
use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in
order in the archives - one post per Step.
Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps
once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference
how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide
a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One
may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps
students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as
a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well
through the Free School of the New Message.
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