Today: Step 229 - I will not
blame another for my pain. (MP3)
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| I will not blame another for my pain. Step 229 |
TODAY’S IDEA REPRESENTS A TREMENDOUS SHIFT in understanding.
It must be born of Knowledge to have true effectiveness, however, its meaning
is not immediately apparent, for you will soon find that there are many
circumstances in which others seem completely responsible for your pain. It
will be very difficult, given your habitual thinking and the assumptions upon which
you live, to deny that others are indeed the cause of your pain. This, however,
is not how Knowledge views you, and you must learn not to view yourself in this
way.
PAIN IS ALWAYS A DECISION THAT YOU MAKE in response
to any stimuli in your environment. The body will have physical pain if it is so
stimulated, but that is merely a sensory response. It is not the true pain that
hurts you. The pain that hurts you is the crown of thorns of your own ideas and
assumptions, your own misgivings and misinformation and your own unforgiveness
towards yourself and the world. This produces a pain both within your mind and
upon your body as well. It is this pain we wish to alleviate this day.
THEREFORE, CONSIDER TODAY’S IDEA AS A FORM OF
REMEDY against pain. If another is the cause of your pain, you have no remedy except
to attack or to change the other person. Even your attempt to change them for
good will be a form of attack, for underneath your altruism will be hatred and
resentment. Therefore, there is no remedy for pain if its cause is beyond you.
But there is remedy for all pain because Knowledge is with you.
THEREFORE, ALL PAIN MUST BE RECOGNIZED as the
result of your own decision. It must be recognized as the result of your own interpretation.
You may feel that you have been wronged by another or by the world. This
feeling is actually present in your mind, so it need not be denied, but you
must look beyond it to its source and to the mechanism for its emergence. To do
this, then, you must utilize your own faculties. This will give you great
strength. You will be able to do this because Knowledge is with you and because
with Knowledge you can do all things that Knowledge asks you to do.
WITHOUT CONDEMNATION, THE WORLD IS SO RELIEVED that
it can begin to recover itself. Therefore, upon the hour repeat this idea and consider
its meaning. Go deeply within it to discover what it truly holds for you. In
your longer practice periods, enter stillness and peace, for without condemnation upon the world and upon
yourself, the mind is at peace already.
PRACTICE 229: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly
practice.
From the journal: Step
228 - I will not be poor today.
8:10
a.m. April 4, 2001 self deception and self obstruction Things that keep
me from advancing my work – the ability for emergence of Knowledge to occur.
Trying
to do too much, cover too many subjects – Belief that people would get better –
Inability to praise. Inability to discern motives. Not sticking with Tai Chi,
too much codependence, failure to listen to employees.
6:38
p.m. Practice #2 – I'll look at what I saw last year. That was before the fall.
"I
will not be poor today". Marie had to inform me Greg C… was earning almost
$70,000 – that didn't feel good. M.E. called to say Sarah had gotten SSI. She
wouldn't be giving Sarah any more money. Thank God for the U.S.A. The stock
market went far lower – I missed the nudges and now appear to suffer – that is
an obstruction.
RI
becomes the clearer work. The need for it shouts out while waste and errors
multiply in the world. I should write, but my time is wasted you email,
surfing, moaning, watching TV – eating.
I've
read about disciplined writers, heard them talk, set goals for myself – small
goals – then cannot meet them.
The
Kid’s lives will take care of themselves. Can I learn to focus better? S2K is
helping.
GCW
II – Work/environment – that is what my life has been. I can get more focused.
Memory of the past; repeatedly reviewing it, takes energy. There were many
points I did not have enough Knowledge.
I
had taken on many responsibilities before – co-dependencies even. They are
shrinking away. It now appears I could have done less – I just cannot
understand – and so I go forward.
My
greatest obstruction may have been belief that I was doing the right thing.
Still, w/o this work – I can't imagine making progress. I'm not sure about the
Society…but the work/Steps are self-validating. I may go to a retreat at the
end of May – need to see who these people are.
–
The GC readers.
The
world can be a distraction – an obstruction. I can tune it out – hide away from
it.
Indolence
– fatigue – depression at where I am/what I am – yet how else might I have
gotten here? I wasn't ready for Steps in – 1997 –
At
work – perhaps if I’d been a fighter? No… I just wanted to do the work way I
saw the need.
Not
many people believe in paper.
What
about Marie? Well – she's now a partner. … I'm better off with the leave,
salary, office resources and regional projects. There's also Virginia 2050.
It
is an obstacle to believe that the loss of management responsibility has hurt
my true work.
–
So… on to the next step.
9:10
p.m. My biggest obstacle. I'm depressed and don't care. I'd rather eat – find
stimulation on TV – mindless burning of time.
If
the environment is everything, then this is all a waste. Intelligence builds
stuff – and that destroys the environment. It's all wrong? Am I judging here?
11:06
p.m. Ready for bed? The worst part of it all is that I am still alone in the
physical. … Carrying my unknown work with few human connections, and little
personal connection is strange – "Stranger in a
Strange Land". Perhaps one of the last sci-fi books I read.
…
This
morning – slow to rise – thinking about regions – - maps – The weather map is
"States" – the globe, world
map adds countries. That's what we see over and over. No map of regions. How
can they be seen? No maps –
Struggle, struggle, struggle. Where is the “Joy of
Thinking?”. Let us continue.
NNC
Note: If you’ve some interest due to this or other
Steps, you should go to the beginning blog post. From here you will learn about Steps to Knowledge
and can begin it on the day that makes sense; then progress as needed. You can
use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in
order in the archives - one post per Step.
Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps
once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference
how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide
a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One
may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps
students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as
a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well
through the Free School of the New Message.
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