x2 Step 231 - I have a calling in this world. – Journal – Step 230

Today:  Step 231 - I have a calling in this world. (MP3)

I have a calling in this world. Step 231

YOU HAVE A CALLING IN THIS WORLD. It is not what you think it is. It will emerge from your Knowledge once Knowledge is allowed to emerge within your mind. You have a calling in this world because you have come here to do some very specific things. Your purpose in this world is to reclaim your Knowledge and to allow your Knowledge to express itself. That is a very simple statement of your purpose, but it is a statement that contains a great deal of depth and a great deal that must be fulfilled in time.

YOU HAVE A CALLING IN THIS WORLD because you were sent here to do something. It is for this reason that your mind is the way it is and that you have a specific nature that is distinct from others. As your calling emerges, you will realize why you think and act the way you do, and all of this will be brought into true balance and harmony. This will erase all cause you have for self-condemnation, for your nature represents a usefulness that you have not yet realized. In other words, you are made specifically for something that you have not yet comprehended. Prior to this you will resist your nature, thinking it is a limitation upon you. In time, you will realize that it is an invaluable resource for accomplishment, for you have a calling in the world.

UPON THE HOUR REMIND YOURSELF OF THIS and remind yourself that you do not yet know what your calling is. Without presumptions, you will be in a position to discover the truth. In your deeper practice periods today enter stillness and silence once again, utilizing the word RAHN if you find that helpful. This is a day of preparation for you to realize your true calling in the world. It is a day given to Knowledge and a day that is taken away from false assumptions and self-deception. A day given to Knowledge brings you closer to realizing your calling, which will arise naturally without your presumptions once you and those with whom you must be engaged are prepared.

PRACTICE 231: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly practice.

From the journal:  Step 230 - My suffering is born of confusion.

1:25 a.m. Friday, March April 6, 2001 – "My suffering is born of confusion".

Practice #1 – early a.m. This is certainly true. I was confused yesterday, and the day before. I can only follow my nose – and seek to get perspective on my life – see me in the movie of my life. Here I am – eating cheese – it's all gone – wanting more – plus wine. Why not?

I was angry and confused, yesterday and the day before. In the Thursday night Practice in the woods – for "I will not blame another for my pain". I realized that those who pained me may have been pained/offended by me.

The systems of the world, though really not visible systems, cause me confusion and pain. I Expect them to do something. They have to a degree. That is where the power resides, so I must take heed of the system, but it really isn't a true system, so it fails and so do I.

How can I live past this confusion? Can it be ignored? Can it be seen for what it is?

Awake again. More cheese. I'm going to Boulder for a GC workshop… Cindy is hurt and confused – she can't go.

I'm surrounded by the confused. It causes me confusion and pain. It leads nowhere. That is the confusion.

I have these relationships, but can't get angry – or shouldn’t – or that's just confusion.

Even though I see it – I must not become overly impressed with myself. I do survive. Like the stock market – everyone is right some time.

Wrong/right – both – judgment – that is what confuses.

Politics is what confuses me. Getting people to like you so that you'll get favors. Objective views – they rarely occur.

If I were not confused, I might perceive the world as it is. Live like a being in nature – w/o fear – always alert.

6:12 p.m. Friday – home – spent the day sending out the River Recreation report.

– Steve put together computer stands. I'm glad he's now the janitor. I remain the clerk. Marie is Queen Bee.(We are Marie’s assistants) The art of doing less with more. I don't know if Commissions can build regional community. (They could contribute).

At Rotary today – there was a video of Project Read. The shipping of books & computers to the Philippines. The need was great, and the results important after five years. I can do more with that.

I work with those on earth who co-operate. They are showing their K. Not everyone cooperates – but… They just haven't figured it out.

Ayn Rand – Atlas Shrugged Cooperated

Step 230 – My suffering is born of confusion.

In this active review, I have no thoughts that are opposed to it. It may be because I've early found "confusion" to be a true condition.

Getting un-confused has been a lifetime goal. Once again I must reflect that, by this age, I expected to be more certain in the world – just as my father seemed.

I feel immature because I've not been hard on the world, but hard on myself. There is so much blame in the world – but who sees that? They do blame each other a lot. I've done that. If I could end it, that would be good.

I'm not suffering now as I meditate. I'm being still and doing less. Is that simply age? Where I doing Steps @ 30 would I react the same? Even be able to do it?

Since introduced to ACIM – and illusion, it was not hard to view this life is temporary. The question is what's next and why this?

My pain is easy. In the Rotary video – the Philippine Judge, a Rotarian there talking about the poor people of Quezon City – said the people there were discouraged. They were angry at God – they wanted to know why they were so poor, why they couldn't get jobs, Why?

In the crowded classrooms there were motivated students. Certainly good work for Rotary to send old-school books there…and help build up those poor, far poorer than we.

Those people suffered. Were they confused? My suffering is from confusion – not from want. There is true suffering in the world, but one who comes to the Steps is not in the physical suffering mode.

Looking back on my life from the perspective of confusion, I see that it started young and remained a partner for a very long time.

I was confused about my parents, the treatment by my friends, my physical stature. School was good. Jesus was near. But, as it went on – my parents fighting and anger – and my role as peacemaker. I wanted to do something for the world then.

College – women – sex – confused – but that's normal. Marriage – a twisted goal – rejected in Junior High 7th & 8th – but attracted to the idea of marriage always.

Confused by war/the Navy/Mary Ellen/myself – giving up freedom so easily. Being a continual searcher/seeker – Koestler "The Ghost in the Machine" – read – thought – talked. Confused – no one on my wavelength except the authors of books –

Confused in the Navy – then planning – then focus – then PDC – struggle for house – then David/more focus - more confusion – Back to God – Alcoholism – Jo Schaaf – a long term confuser→ what had I done to my life? Could not leave…counseling – agreeing to disagree – in the middle of it temptation, then Sarah and→ Mauritz's death – ME’s temper and anger and drinking and she's gone… Born again – on that Spirit path… Urantia – seeking, seeking, seeking – the answers still confusing –

The world moves – so do I – confused – where is it going?

9:15 p.m. My diet of confusion continues. I logged on – got email, watched Talk-Soup on E! – funny – then caught a TLC program about the use of security cameras and hidden cameras – lesson – be careful what you do! Still – what people do – theft, attack – so confusing – TV, movies, photos. Now – C-SPAN about Tom Paine "Common Sense" – so – all this confusion. Get the lawn ready – work to do, which I void. Income taxes to do. I drum a little – now get the idea to draw –

11:37 p.m. The end of confusion – Howard Stern…Then Leno…

12:34 a.m. Saturday, April 7, 2001 If I'm confused enough, and don't do anything, and stay depressed about being confused, maybe I'll get taken away or be left alone.

On the other hand, I could work 20 hours a day on regions – and disappear. How can the world be brought together?

Technology empowers and destroys, shifting raw ingredients to product then junk, with waste in the product stream.

Dissecting confusion in one’s life, dissecting one’s life to find the sources of confusion, requires thought and, ideally, a somewhat accurate memory. My story here is a marker against which you might say, I’m more or less confused than this old guy – if you are under 30 – because I’m 55 at the time of this writing. I do ask: “Where I doing Steps @ 30 would I react the same? Even be able to do it?”

Let us continue, regardless of our age. This study will be with us to the end of our physical lives and beyond, since The New Message is for a thousand years.

NNC

Note: If you’ve some interest due to this or other Steps, you should go to the beginning blog post. From here you will learn about Steps to Knowledge and can begin it on the day that makes sense; then progress as needed. You can use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in order in the archives - one post per Step.

Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well through the Free School of the New Message.